How to Cope with Negative Influences | Coping Strategy #1: Embrace the Negativity as a Challenge

How to Cope with Negative Influences | Coping Strategy #1: Embrace the Negativity as a Challenge

by | Mar 14, 2020

Copyright Dmitrii Shironosov,  123rf.com

You are indeed fortunate if all, or even most, of the people in your life are a positive influence. Maybe you were told at a young age that “you can do it” the first time you hoped on a two-wheel bike, auditioned for the school orchestra, tried out for the field hockey team, or stood up to the neighborhood bully.

Unfortunately, most of us encounter people who seek (sometimes unknowingly) to bring us down with their negativity in the name of:

“I’m just trying to be realistic and practical. It’s a long shot.”

Turn the Challenge into a Positive Influence

One practical coping strategy is to take the negativity as a challenge, with an approach that goes something like this: “I’ll prove them wrong.” For example, we have heard people say, “You think I can’t do it; I’ll show you” or “You believe my decision makes no sense. You will eat those words.”

It’s a familiar story. Zane Grey, who wrote 90 books that sold some 50 million copies, faced multiple rejections of the first manuscripts. In fact, one editor told him: “I don’t see anything in this to convince me you can write either narrative or fiction.” Yet Grey persevered, because he wanted to prove them wrong and believed he had stories to tell about the American West that people would want to read.

Gerry, a GE engineer we interviewed for this project, told us about an early negative experience in his life. His high school guidance counselor laughed when Gerry said he wanted to go to college and study engineering. When the counselor told him, “You can’t do it”—Gerry was motivated to prove her wrong. As he told us, “It gave me a chip on my shoulder.”

Jennifer, another person in our study group, was asked skeptically by her mother, “What are you going to do with a history degree?” Jennifer then set out to prove her mother wrong, as she moved from intern to a permanent position and on up to chair and curator at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. As Jennifer told us, “I didn’t see [my mother’s question] as a negative factor, but I did see it as a challenge.” However, she was also quick to acknowledge that her mother’s passion for American history helped create Jennifer’s love of history.

What’s been your experience dealing with negativity? Do you embrace it as a challenge? We’d love to hear your story.

For more stories of how people deal with the forces of negativity, pick up a copy of our new book, Positive Influence: The Leader Who Helps People Become Their Best Self (HRD Press, 2020).

How to Cope with Negative Influences | Coping Strategy #2: Take Responsibility for the Situation

How to Cope with Negative Influences | Coping Strategy #2: Take Responsibility for the Situation

by | Mar 7, 2020

Copyright gpointstudio,  123rf.com

Perhaps you’ve led a charmed life in which all or most of the people you’ve encountered have been positive influences. For example, maybe you met someone early on who created a desire to learn, helped you fashion a set of positive values, taught you a set of relevant skills, or instilled in you a belief that failure is just one step on life’s journey. 

Unfortunately, many of us come across people who, for a variety of reasons and often without any malicious intent, try to make us feel “less than” with comments such as:

“I must warn you that women don’t do well in this type of work environment.”

Sometimes you can walk away from a person like this, but often it’s not possible when the person is your boss. However, what you can do is take responsibility for the situation and develop an approach that includes getting your job done in a way that benefits the organization. 

As the human resources (HR) business partner for the chief technology officer (CTO), Nancy (one of our study participants) quickly realized that he had issues working with senior level women in the organization. For example, he would rarely meet with Nancy, did not include her in important team meetings, and complained to other senior level managers that she was incompetent. 

Nancy learned that it was possible to work with his organization by forging alliances and partnerships with his team in order to provide the HR services that were needed. One key discovery was that she did not need his sponsorship to create many effective working relationships with his team. Another more powerful discovery was that she was never going to change his assessment of her, no matter how great a job she did with his organization. It was his problem! The experience was liberating for Nancy, because she learned that she did not need or want to work in an organization that did not value her contributions. As she told us—“and that was worth all the stress.”

She has now moved on to another organization where she has “always felt supported.” In a clear example of “paying it forward,” Nancy actively ensures that “no one that I work with ever feels devalued for any reason.” 

For more stories of how people deal with the forces of negativity, pick up a copy of our new book, Positive Influence: The Leader Who Helps People Become Their Best Self (HRD Press, 2020).