Copyright Jozef Polc, 123rf.com
For many people the first person to support them was a parent or a grandparent. A mother or father is there at a very young age to lift you up, make it clear they have your back, help overcome your fears, develop your self-esteem and encourage an independent self-reliance. It is the very same skills, often learned in childhood, that contribute to your experience later in life as a positive influence leader in the workplace.
The positive influence leader often believes in you even when you may not believe in yourself. More specifically, they see something in you that you have yet to see in yourself. It’s there, but you have not yet become aware of it and, more importantly, aware of your ability to be good at it. Actress, dancer and author, Victoria Rowell, credits her foster mother with seeing “something” in her, giving her ballet lessons when she was eight years old and encouraging her passion for the arts while giving her the courage to pursue her dreams. Rowell’s dreams became a reality when she joined the American Ballet Theater and the Juilliard School of Music and Dance.
In a related example, a woman we interviewed, Shirnette, born and brought up in Jamaica, West Indies, talked of her grandmother who raised her, taught her to read and write, and gave her “pure love.” However, it was also “tough love,” that included high expectations for studying, reading and getting high grades. For example, in the fourth grade, she got spanked because she only got a 70 on a test. The support of her grandmother also included learning life skills such as farming and sewing. In addition to practical skills, she took from her grandmother a caring and desire to help and care for others. When her grandmother developed cancer, Shirnette decided to become an oncologist and, as she said, “become an advocate for others who cannot be an advocate for themselves.”
Positive influence leaders are able to achieve a delicate balance between empowering members of their team while staying involved with them. The message is: you are free to figure out the best way to get it done, to use resources, involve others and make decisions, but I am still here for you
In an entirely different field, but in a similar manner, Jennifer, a senior curator at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of American History, says her mother,
instilled in her a passion for history at a very early age. Their home was full of history.
In fact, her mother restored their Federal style home to what it was like in 1810 down to the type of paint, siding, colors and furnishings. Her mother’s love of history, especially American history, inspired Jennifer to pursue a college degree in American history.
Jennifer’s mother was a supportive leader who encouraged, nudged, pushed or simply placed her in a situation that got her to believe in herself and do things she may have only dreamed of doing. Jennifer said her mother told her many times, “don’t let anyone stop you from doing something you’ve never done before.” Later, when Jennifer got her first job as a curator at the Smithsonian, her mother said, “you have my dream job.”
A parent is often the very first positive influence in your life as they instill, often at a young age, a love of something and belief that you can be successful in doing that something. For example, world famous, award winning actor, Denzel Washington was a big influence on his son, John David Washington. John, who initially did not want to be in his father’s shadow, began his work life as a professional football player. However, things changed when HBO’s casting director, Sheila Jaffe, was having trouble casting someone who looked like a real football player for the series Ballers. She reached out to Denzel’s agent to inquire about the availability of John David and, as they say, the rest is history. Ballers is now in its fourth season and going strong. Along the way, John David picked up the lead role in Spike Lee’s very successful, Black Klansman. While son, John David, admires his father as an actor, he says,
If I try to act like him or make movie choices like him, I’m going to fail. I love him. He’s one of my favorite actors of all time but I can’t do that. Nobody can do that.” However, Denzel is a positive influence because what he did was, in his son’s words, ‘pass on the lesson and legacy of hard work, how to be an African American man in this country and how to honor the craft and work hard.’(Igoe, 2019).
By their very role, parents have the first opportunity to be a supportive positive influence. Parents are leaders in the lives of their children as they, by actions, big and small, send a message that you have what it takes to be successful. The very same skills that make for a supportive parent contribute to your success as a positive influence leader in the workplace.
For more stories of positive influence and how you can become a positive influence leader, pick up a copy of our new book, Positive Influence: The Who Helps People Become the Best Self (HRD Press, 2020).